happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
