definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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