Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
