I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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