when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
