Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
