in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
