Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
