if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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