The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
