I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
