the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize