i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
