Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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