Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
