Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize