so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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