she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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