Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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