worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
