someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize