We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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