do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize