He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
