Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
