yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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