I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize