Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
