12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
