so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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