there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
