I just made out with a guy for $7.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
