For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
