By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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