Even the bartender felt bad for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize