we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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