so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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