im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize