i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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