Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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