I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
