I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
