How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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