I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
