i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
