You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
