Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
