Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
