i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
