remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
