I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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