thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
