We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
