Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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