i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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