I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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