Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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