So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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