I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
