This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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