dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
