ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
