Already got asked if we're dating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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