I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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