I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I lost the right to judge tonight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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